What To Do When Your Athlete/Child Wants to Quit?

As parents, we can be creative and try to keep competitive sports fun and social for our kids. But what do you do when this doesn’t work? When you can see they are unhappy, and you start to doubt this is the right path for your child? I had this exact situation with one of my boys.

My middle son had a goal to play golf at Stanford from a young age. He set his goals, did the work, day in and day out without question. He loved it and everything about it. After 8th grade, as he approached high school, he realized he would have to give up his basketball and possibly home school. College golf may have been what he dreamed when he was 10 but as a 14-yr. old, he was simply not willing to do what was needed to get to his goal. So, after much discussion, he made a choice, gave up golf, took up football (of all things!), and never looked back. He knew from the first week of practice that he found his place- The camaraderie, boisterous coaches, challenge of learning something new, and the physical exertion. He had a high school experience playing three sports (football, basketball, and baseball) and is now playing college football in a great academic D3 program.

Did I cringe as a parent to see him quit one sport to start a brand-new sport as a freshman in high school? Absolutely! Did I count the annual dollars spent on his golf thinking it went down the drain? Absolutely! Did I think his pathway to college had just blown up? Absolutely! Was I wrong with all of those thoughts? Absolutely!

What I learned with a few tough conversations, is that golf was no longer fun for him. Golf was no longer his happy place, no longer his passion. As a professional athlete myself, I knew that you had to love it. It has to be your world, your happy place, your passion, in order to make it. 

Here are a few tips for the conversation if you are concerned that your child or athlete should take a break from their sport or go in another direction.

1. Do you enjoy the process? 

You have to ask them, “Do you love the day-to-day grind?” The hard work is not always fun; often, it is a grind — no way to get around it. You have to love the grind. The process is a marathon, not a sprint. 

2. Is this the lifestyle you want to live? 

Is this how you want to spend your time after school and on weekends? Are you homeschooling and maybe want to be in school with your friends? Do you like the demands physically? Do you like the travel involved with tournaments?

3. Is this a positive peer/social environment for you? 

Do you look forward to seeing friends at tournaments? Do your friends support each other, or do they tear you down? Does your sport bring you confidence, or do you struggle with low self esteem?

4. If you quit, what else would you be doing? 

Are there other activities you would rather be doing? Can you take the time to try something new? Do you feel like you are sacrificing things you would rather do?

5. Make sure they know that Quitting Doesn’t Make You A Failure!

Most people will tell you that if you quit something, you’re a failure. It takes a ton of courage to know when to walk away from something. Most people don’t have the heart to quit and walk away, so they continue doing something even though they hate doing it or even if they know it’s not for them. 

I can look back now and see that my son’s experiences playing four years of competitive golf, helped him become a better and smarter football player. He is self-driven, can adapt to multiple positions, processes mistakes immediately, solution-oriented, coachable, and confident. Confident because he took the time to think about what he wanted, and we as parents took the time to listen, and he had the courage to change his path. 

This is what we want for our children, self-awareness to look at their path, courage to change if they aren’t happy, and the confidence to go for what they genuinely want to do.

Everything comes full circle, and for the first time since 8th grade, my son is back playing golf and enjoying it! All of us golfers know that isn’t always easy.  He has a summer internship at Callaway, and I am reasonably sure he is the only football player intern. He said he forgot how fun it is just to go out and play. Not worry about your distance (helps when you can still crank it 300 yds) or if you blow a hole with a bad putt. Golf is a sport similar to tennis, a sport of a lifetime, and I am thrilled to see him enjoy it as an adult instead of harboring resentment had we forced him to stay the path he chose as a 10-yr. old.

If your child or athlete ultimately decides to quit playing and go in another direction, have their back and support them. Support them in finding their passions, their path, and in the process; you will see them blossom.

Have you had a similar situation with one of your children or athletes who you coach? Please share any tips that have helped you deal with the challenge on our #Get a Grip Facebook Page, leave a comment, or email me.

Thanks for reading!